I was in junior high and my brother, Phil, was in high school when my mom started getting sick. She was in constant pain and eating ibuprofen like it was candy. One summer day she was in the midst of an anxiety attack when she called me into her room. Sobbing, she told me that she didn't know what was wrong but in case she died she wanted me to know about her lock box. It had some money stashed in it and a few other personal items that she wanted me to have.
How was I supposed to take this information? I was just a teenage girl who was emotional about zits and the boy I thought was cute. Now my mom, who was also my best friend, is telling me that she is pretty certain she is going to die. I was completely devastated. I didn't know what to do so I kept it to myself.
The pain progressively got worse and when she went to the doctor he blamed it on her beer drinking and cigarette smoking. While I agree they are not good for you, and most certainly didn't help, how can I believe they are the only source of all the pain? Later we find out they aren't. And on new year's morning it reached a new height. She was brushing her hair and suddenly she felt a pop in her back and couldn't move. Off to the emergency we went and after hours of waiting they told us nothing. They just sent her home with a shot and some pain meds figuring it was just a common strain. The next day she went to her doctor again so he sent her for x-ray's. I personally don't think he looked at the x-ray's. He told her it was her sciatic nerve and sent her to a physical therapist.
After a couple months of faithful therapy and no improvement, her physical therapist told her he didn't think the sciatic nerve was the problem and she should get a second opinion. She disappointingly agreed and went to her ob/gyn. He found a lump on her breast and told her it didn't look good but he didn't want to make false assumptions so he made her an appointment to get a lumpectomy. The surgery was scheduled for the next Monday. That weekend she came down with an excruciating headache. She couldn't eat and any light or noise was too much to bare so back to the emergency she went. They figured it was a migraine and gave her a shot and sent her home with more pain medicine. It didn't help.
Monday morning she went to her scheduled surgery and when they did their routine pre-surgery tests, they discovered that the calcium level in her blood was at a toxic level and nearly lethal. This was the cause of the headache. They postponed the surgery and admitted her into the hospital so that they could get her levels back to normal. Once her levels were normal they did the lumpectomy. Our worst fears were confirmed. She had breast cancer. It had spread through her body and was in her bones. She had spots on her ribs and spine. It was leaching calcium into her blood and was also the cause of all of her back pain.
We received this information a couple weeks after my 15th birthday. I knew with all my soul that she would not survive and it hurt like hell. At first I tried to just keep it bottled up, but being the emotionally sensitive person I am, the bottle filled up quickly and began to overflow. I began to withdraw from school and became very angry. I just wanted my mom, my best friend to be around when I needed her. I wasn't ready to let go.
No comments:
Post a Comment